26 November 2018

Sweets Has Peeled Off Again

I know... I know... I said I wouldn't do it. And I should have learned by now that any time I say I wont do a thing with that much conviction I'm waiting for someone else to prove me wrong. LOL It's like an internal dare... "Challenge accepted!" I hear myself say.

Well... Dalaran, US is FULL and terribly so. I've actually had login screens that waited awhile already and there's been no new content.

Lions Guard, Dalaran, US

I'm  hard leveling her 102-120 and just sort of DYING to get to 110 and away from the Legion content.

Lets recap. Because I just interviewed for a social casual raiding guild and was a little let down that these questions weren't asked.

Toons on my roster:
Julienne, Fury Warrior name changed to Allumette on Baelgun -- Uldaman, Cenarius, Uldaman, Baelgun
Bazooka, Fire Mage -- Uldaman, Baelgun
Kilijan, Destruction Warlock -- Uldaman, Baelgun
Holle, Unholy DK -- Akama, Akama Horde, Uldaman Horde, Baelgun Alliance
NowYaDont, Combat (Outlaw) Rogue -- Baelgun
Julz, Fury Warrior name was Julienne and necessitated name change of my main which has since been corrected -- Baelgun only
Synnedagain, Retribution Paladin -- Farstriders Horde, Baelgun Alliance
Havwemet, Shadow Priest -- Baelgun only
Sigvorth, un-specified Monk -- Baelgun only
Freyaschild, Beastmastry Hunter -- Farstriders Horde, Baelgun Horde, Baelgun Alliance
Sweetassyn, Arms Warrior now rocking Fury for awhile -- Akama, Akama Horde, Uldaman Alliance, Baelgun, Dalaran

Akama = PVP server
Baelgun = PVE server
Cenarius = PVE server
Dalaran = combined PVE server, which I believe they all are, now... with the advent of WarMode
Farstriders = RP server
Uldaman = PVE server

I've played since 9-4-2012. All of them combined have played 313 days as of today's count, and don't include deleted characters, of which there are very many. Every faction change or server change represents money spent to consolidate characters, escape shitty situations or otherwise try something new. Remember, before Cataclysm we couldn't chat across the servers and so if you wanted to play with a friend you had to be on the same server with that friend. We're talking probably close to $2,000 and a whole lot more if you count expansion costs, monthly fees and all the pets and mounts that could be purchased, not to mention paying for other people's moves (that friend thing again) and faction changes and pets and mounts as gifts and guildie time codes etc...

Also: I sat there gobsmacked while the GM "interviewed" me by telling me that they play games, they do PVP and RP things and also do runs together. They gather together etc... and I so badly wanted to talk about the games we'd created and that we hosted... and it just never really fit in. We played Hide and Seek all over the world, we raced around the world with SUPER low level characters in Death Races to see if a group of high level toons could work together to keep a lowbie alive. We had costume parties and photo shoots and made guild calendars that were printed and shared to the whole guild as gifts. We had trivia and even created separate chat channels for it so we could play the whole time we were "playing" the main game. We played Naked PvP to teach people how to get over feeling like everything was always gear and instead to just have fun. I have been an officer or creator of almost every guild I've ever been in because I love playing the game like a whole complete world inside of our own world.

I started the game on Uldaman, US because my friend Mike played the game there.  At that time that's how the game was played. I made Julienne and shortly thereafter I created Kilijan and then for the Lich King expansion I created Anubusson, a DK who has since been deleted. On Farstriders, US server where we kept our Horde side toons I started Freyaschild and Synnedagain. Then my friend Jake convinced me to come play on Akama, US, a PVP server... in part because I had been told on both of the other server types that it was VERY hard and that I probably couldn't level, I started another warrior. There SweetAsSyn was born and soon joined by Holle, my Blood DK. By the end of BC I was raiding a little bit and I developed a serious taste for it. By the end of the LK expansion I'd learned what it meant to grow towards raiding as a goal and what it was like to be excluded because I wasn't the best, and the damage done by having a tight-knit group with the knowledge and an agenda towards building a 10 man raid group that excluded others regardless of ability.

I learned that the play-style actually DID affect the way that you see the world, the way that you interact with the other players and in some really important ways can really affect the way you relate to your characters. And most importantly I learned that having a tight-knit group of friends that you play with is what addicted me to the game, and never reclaiming them or having them reliably again is what has allowed me to walk away so many times. Because if there's no one else there to care, or to work for it WITH then who cares? LFR might be a great tool... and it's only a tool full of tools. I hate it in all the ways that I hate most of the other grouping tools. I like tanks who pay attention and who don't skip and run through and put us all at risk of accidentally not meeting their requirements of skipping half of the content just because they're lazy. I hate lazy players of all types. And LFR and LFG has destroyed the idea that a group goes in and carefully clears the dungeon like they're playing a table top game that's gone 3D and fully interactive! LOL

I learned that some types of guilds are incompatible with other types of guilds. And no matter how many times or places I moved or tried to convince the new leadership of this I was argued with or told that "they could do it when others couldn't" and while I hold myself accountable to stopping playing at the end of Cata, at the end of Pandaria, at the beginning of Draenor, and again in the middle of Legion I really can't blame myself for everything... the fact that at each point the raiding became a thing that I couldn't do because of proving grounds is on Blizzard and I'll hate them forever for it because I STILL fear things like them as the gates they really were and are because I'm just not going to be good enough in all the ways to get my pantheon of characters through all the trials and that meant that I couldn't play my main in two expansions. And the guild and constant in-fighting and struggling to get things together and the unfair weight placed on too many individuals INDIVIDUALLY was just too fucking much. So at the end of Legion I left the game after going into a guild of me myself and Jon and that's where I've stayed.

And here we are in BFA... and so far so good. I really love it. I have a bunch of 120's with no experience in dungeons or raids because my ego is squashed... I'm afraid of that wall that I wont be able to overcome that keeps me from being able to play one or more of them and so I haven't gone looking for it in an attempt to keep playing and prove to myself that I can both like the expansion AND play in it for longer than the first 9 or 10 months. LOL

And then Jake finds a really good guild. And he wont quit telling me about it. Pressuring me about it. A guild that seems to understand the rules of engagement AND knows that to keep it social it can only ever be casual raiding, it cannot be a hardcore raiding or anything else guild. I feel the pressure in the Discord channel already... lots of the hardcore raiders are drifting in and we'll have to see if they can drift back out gracefully or if they find a home there anyway and are just held in check by the leadership. And I'm afraid of letting anyone be my tank because if they're lazy I'm going to cry. The first time they leave half of a room under a godsdamned ledge where we have to be able to tightrope walk down a hedge and through the patting mobs in order to get where they're taking us so that it becomes OUR fault that the whole group died my mouth is going to say things that I wont be able to take back. (No, really, this is THE THING now... skipping content by cutting walls, climbing rocks and sliding down the other side and trying like hell not to aggro shit... rather than just taking 10 seconds and KILLING THEM. I will admit to walking face first into these situations sometimes accidentally and sometimes "oops" on purpose because, well, once you've done it accidentally it's clear that someone is going to accidentally again or you can just do it on purpose so it's done.)

So... I know I said I wouldn't, and honestly I'm not planning on taking Kil or Julienne anywhere... Bazooka COULD go, I just think it would frankly be easier to build another mage and boost it than to mess with moving a toon so integral to the world I've built in the quiet place on Baelgun. Right now they have compatible professions to save me some cash and have all built their reputations and "/trade personalities." LOL Annnddd... Bazooka only costs $50 if it's a failed experiment AND she's already leveled... so... kinda thinking about it hardcore. (and if Alex doesn't move Laleigha then we still have an enchanter... *snort*)

And I'm doing an experiment that might hurt. But it will only hurt so much that I have to pull Sweets back for another $25 and plug her back into my own guild quietly and calmly and without lamentation. Because Blizzard changed the focus of the game forever when they introduced the idea of solo leveling and LFG and LFR and all of the tools that have made it better for a new generation and so frustrating for the old one. Terry still can't love the game because there are always dungeons required in the zones and in the professions and he simply cannot PUG in, it's been too awful of an experience for him. I don't even know if I can... I've had such a rough time of it of late that I called the tank an asshole and left a group after he held me accountable for a mistake someone else was making... and insinuated that no RANDO could ever do what he could do because "raid guild." I wanted to say that the biggest douche bags in the game are all in raid guilds and that the best players I've ever played with were all met as randos, and that was almost a decade ago now... so probably no longer even true.

So we shall see. LMAO in 313 days of playing and being the raid leader AND the tank, and just the raid leader... from being the GM and just a guildie... from being asked my opinion and being actually heard AND understood to being asked my opinion as a frame of politeness and being ignored from the moment I started answering... social guilds that were destroyed by raiding, social guilds that were only social, raiding as a PUG and being really good at it to now being afraid to PUG entirely because I don't feel confident after two expansions that pretty much told me I wasn't good enough... yeah. We shall see. I am hopeful and I really want it to work and those are both really good things in a "we shall see" scenario, at least for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment