11 October 2016

A little bit of wardrobe and in-game family change

REALLY FAST THEN the WAAAAAYYY BACK HISTORY... I was in a social guild of friends and it was amazing, then I was in two guilds and they were both awesome... all WoW fanfic came from these times, all stories and histories for my mains came from this time.

Then I met raiding about 3 months after the rest of my social guild did so when a bunch of them left to form a raiding guild I was left behind and couldn't find a way to raid and so I left the first guild, then I left the second guild over differences of how to do raids and stuff.

Then I was in a bunch of guilds and then I was on a bunch of servers, in both factions and in lots of guilds... and then I started a guild and decided I hated it and went away from the game for awhile and then I was on Baelgun where I was in UC for awhile and then interviewed and joined Renaissance. For about 5 months or so I felt like I was finally back in that first guild. The one I never should have left and should have been a total jerk to the new members who joined right from the start... but I wasn't, so they couldn't gut our guild and ruin it. Well, then suddenly I felt the same thing all over again, a need to be nasty and rout some new members before they could gut the guild. And I was told they were actually the founding members of the guild.

Well, since then I've stayed in one guild... determined not to leave. Regardless of how many times I was told to do a thing and then not supported when it made people uncomfortable or complain or how many times I was told that what I wanted to do was impossible and then not backed up even a little bit on any decision by the leadership of the guild who fails to lead even when followed. There was just potentially too much drama in the guild or server hopping and WAY too much money to a game company that really doesn't love me as much as I love their products.

So, when the going got tough in this guild I tended to get going. About 7 months the first time in Cataclysm. About a year spread over two long breaks in Pandaria. And then the cake topping cherry of them all, I was gone all but the first three months and last month of Draenor. Going away and just not facing the problems I was having was easier than arguing or dealing with people I didn't even like. I had different ideas, I do things differently and somehow my differences are intolerable while I am bent over backwards and twisted into a pretzel to accommodate others' differences. Any smart person would have run away sooner. I was being irrationally sticky because of my past... LOL

So I left Renaissance and I have given formatting and suggestions to my boyfriend who has started us a guild. Yayifications! WOOT! Now the same guild name and leadership for our Rift guild AND our WoW guild...

Right now only a couple of my friends are in the guild with the Yayificator and all 14 of my toons... I've done everything I can to not even remotely encourage others to leave Renaissance. In fact, because of my friendship with their new GM I have not even pointed out to him that if he gave them back their guild and came to ours that they would finally have all of their original membership back and could lead or self-destruct from within without him as a scapegoat which seems to be what the title GM has meant for them for about 7 years... and would be infinitely better than the topping from the bottom nasty way that some get things done and the spineless unwillingness to make a stand bullshit they've pulled from the start.

See... social means lots of things to lots of people. What it means to me is that you're friends first and guildies second. And that the new people you meet and bring in fit in so well that you wonder how you ever played the game without them. Mostly in WoW these sorts no longer exist without really digging through the layers. I have a few of these friends and I left them in Renaissance out of loyalty to Jake who is first and top among them. He and I play for totally different reasons and in completely different ways, and he's family. Leaving the guild he now is the GM of hurt a lot more than I wanted it to and because it hurt for the wrong reasons I just left... dick move if ever there was one and sometimes that's just the way it is.

I no longer want to play with people I don't even like. I can do that in LFR and LFG and at every world event or time out in the wide world of WoW... when I'm "home" in my guild I don't want to have to deal with people saying nasty things about their children because it's "cool" or whispering behind other member's backs because they can or selfishly hoarding supplies for themselves and being accusatory and nasty when asked to help supply mats for items they're using as a member of the raid group or planned guild event... when I send you a godsdamned toy in the mail I want you to say "Wow! I have this one... thanks for this... do you mind if I send it to [insert name here] who just started playing and might not have it?" Not treat me like a moron who spends way too much time on the unimportant stuff.

And if I am never called out in guild chat (only to be then followed up on Facebook) during the only 3 hours I have to play the game that day for not understanding that people have lives outside of WoW because I had the gall to suggest that our flagging raid team might want to do LFR together instead of each individually burning it again then it will be really too soon, because that was the last straw on a crippled camel's back.

See... I prefer direct communication, not volatile "gentle" communications from people who have never had a nice thing to say except about themselves in 6 years, or whimpy spineless accusations of too much structure and damage to the guild in the past bullshit. To me that's not how ANY guild works, particularly not social ones. But then... as I said, I see things differently. I felt like a toxic element entered the guild 5 months into my membership there and by the time I'd identified that I didn't want to be there anymore it was too late and I'd brought so many friends and family in that I feared it would gut the momentum they'd started to build because I still blamed myself for the critical failure of that first ever social guild I'd been in.

You know what?

I'm not that cool.

I'm not that epic or important.

If somehow there is a coincidence of membership following one individual then there's something wrong with the guild... not with the individual. When 1/2 of your guild peels out because I go then it wasn't really your guild to begin with, it was mine. So the "hence" and "how come"  of how I finally left.

I'll say it here and now and be done with it from here forward... I didn't kill Decadence, Inc. My leaving Renaissance is just that. If I also happened to leave right before it collapsed then perhaps that's survival instinct... I could smell the water and you refused to admit the ship was sinking.

And now that that's all off my chest... I can leave it here and not look back. Except I will, that's why it's here. LOL One who forgets is destined to repeat. One who cannot move on, however, stays stuck in the already done.

You might possibly know some of the people involved, so this is my side of all the dumbness... mostly brought on by my inability to /gquit because I had talked my friends and family into this guild and then decided I didn't like the direction it had started going. I own this in my life... I don't have to own anything else from that strange place I left myself stuck in ever again.

WOOT... all that's gonna be said on that... ever.

No comments:

Post a Comment