15 June 2012

Blizzard Auction Houses Suck

because the players are wastes of space. Greedy self-important idiots with more time than brains.

well... and because people suck, I guess. :(

Someday the optimist in me is going to die and then the bitter angry woman who is kept in check by the smiley girl who wants the world to turn out to be as cool as she sees it is gonna rip some serious new assholes and do it in ways that aren't very 40-year old mom-ish.


I like being an optimist and I'm really tired of having my nose rubbed in how ugly you all really are.

When I go to the auction houses in both WoW and Diablo and for a time even in Rift I was reminded why I will never make a million bucks using Ebay and why no one using Ebay will ever get rich off of me, either. I just will not ever play by the rules. Well, not if the rules include the dumb crap you can see as plain as day in every "biddable" auction house I've ever seen, in a game or outside.

It makes me doubly angry with Blizzard for creating one game where the best in slot is often sellable and can be hawked for incredibly dorky prices and coming around with a second game where the loots are supposed to be random and are instead just retarded and impossible.

No best in slot is possible in Diablo III see, because every piece that drops has random stats. You MIGHT get something pretty and you might just get something pretty fonging stupid like the rest of us tend to get over and over. And there's no bothering to level the blacksmith, either. He's gonna charge you as much as 20,000g and lots of materials you may or may not even be high enough level to collect yet in order to "randomly" make you a piece of armor that's just as bad as the stuff you're finding and making money selling instead of spending money making.

(8,500g+book that drops on Hell level+materials for an item that offers 25 more points of armor and when you sell it to the vendor because it's vitality, gold find and dexterity and not intelligence like you needed it sells for 280g or you can go to the gold auction house and list and list it for 5,000g and watch it not sell because it has no sockets.)

Yeah... primary problem with Diablo III loots is that unlike other "random enchantments" games this one is fonging stupid. Almost intentionally painful. The conspiracy theorists are already dead sure Blizzard is doing it to guarantee the real money auction house makes them cash.

I think they're just stupid. Random means random within qualifiers, folks. Not just bloody fonging random. (The same is true of their monsters and other "random" encounters. In order to avoid the rule lawyers and number crunchers who get boners "proving" that games are NOT random Blizzard gave us one that really is random. And so retarded it should be on life support so it can't forget to breathe.)

So... I digressed.

About the Auction House.

See, if I want it enough to see if someone else is selling it then I want to buy it now and not screw around. I have in my mind a fairly realistic price that I'd be willing to pay inflated by the convenience of not having to farm/make it myself and I know how much it would be if you had to make it.

I don't want to be bent over for the privilege of having it sooner than I could make it for myself or for every time you closed your eyes and clicked the "craft" button and didn't get the stats you wanted, either.

I'm an opportunist, I am not lazy. If you wanna make it hurt considerably then I'll go do it for myself and let you bend someone else over who may have a higher pain threshold or happens to be lazy and not just opportunistic. Hell, perhaps they LIKE being bent over? The point is that I don't.

This will eventually be the reason I stop playing Diablo III, too. Guaranteed.

There is no realistic hope that I can level WITHOUT the auction house and because the auction house sucks deceased diseased donkey parts I'd rather frankly find something more fun to do.

By being really patient and slowly searching the auction house I have managed to gear my characters proactively enough that I'm in Nightmare mode and on the last Act for two characters just at level 50ish... it's really hard going without the gear and I'm plugging away at it and searching every day for that one or two upgrades that makes it less of a frustration without having to farm (or buy, Blizzard? I could scream that you wont even sell me the gold you've devalued so much already that it's like pennies) 100,000g for just one upgrade.

Searching the auction house now includes going between the gold auction houses and checking in on the real money ones to see if all the sexy goods I want are in the place I'll never buy from. (on a plus note it seems lots of us are refusing them the pleasure of the real money auction house and are still listing on the gold ones.)

Primary Pet Peeve: Listings without buyout prices. 
(this includes the asshats who list at 100g and buyout for 1,000,000 - though they are a particular breed of asshat who suffers often and I wish they'd charge listing charges just for this sort of idiot)

Listing without a buyout price suggests that you think my life revolves around one piece of armor for my character and that I look forward to the challenge of sitting in front of my computer making constantly rising bids to keep it because I just can't live without it.

In fact the opposite is true. I only surf through items without buyout prices when I'm appalled at how much someone expects me to pay for something that does have a buyout.

Set the price you want. Inflate it 1,000g for buyout if you want to "punish" me for not letting you make a fortune.

Honestly... do you really think I like paying 10,000g for something I got to wear for 5 levels and then having you bastards not buy it in 36 hours and having to relist it at 1,000g less each time until it sells for frickin' 6,000g?

I can guarantee you for every piece people got into bidding wars on and made you tons of cash there's 10 more you can list over and over and none of us will buy them. Quit wasting our time and just list it.

Pet Peeve 2: Overinflated prices.
(again, this includes the idiots who list low and buyout insanely high)

Would you seriously pay 150,000g for a level 15 axe that has both dexterity and intelligence on it and no sockets? I wouldn't pay 1,500g for it at that level and neither would you. Not a legendary, not a rare or a magic item. Nothing makes that level 15 axe look like it's worth three days of solid farming at level 40. Neither my wizard nor monk needs a 1h axe that much on any difficulty level at only level 15 in the game.

In other words: If I've searched at 10k and 15k and 30k and 50k I'll eventually drop the minimum buyout and find out what the asshats think my next upgrade is worth. You want 185k gold for a level 50 piece of chest armor that you faked into the minimum Dexterity I searched by with gems? really?

So with a heavy sigh and a roll of my eyes I check prices without a buyout? 500g.

No shit.

185k or 500g and invest the next 1-36 hours watching and constantly raising your bid if you want to keep it.

Pet Peeve 3: Gemming to make the piece look better.

I DO know that Blizzard made the rules and you're just playing in them.

And it's retarded. I now have to add together all the Intelligence I'm currently getting on my legs or chest piece including my gems and search by that amount just to get NEAR an upgrade for me because you guys are sticking or leaving your gems in items and selling them that way.

Hint: If I bought it with the gems it was to get the gems. I relisted the item 9 out of 10 times and upgraded the gem for myself and kept looking for a better upgrade the 10th time because I was frankly tired of dying in search of something with a few more points of armor.

Hey Blizzard... make "gems" not count to overall statistics if you're gonna make me farm through your tedious system. Armor rating OR buyout price... and double check every item to be sure it's really an upgrade and not gemmed so it just looks that way.

Give me a break, guys. I'm going to gem it myself. Just list the item.

And so every time I log in to the game, whether it's 10 times today or only 1 I will check the auctions I have on the auction house and be astounded that no one buys the pieces (honestly, if I can one shot succubi in heaven with it and just needed a little more armor perhaps the reason you think wizards can't do decent dps is because you don't know what stats you need - anyone else is gonna tell you 5,000g for 194 armor, 150 intelligence, 2 empty sockets and +3.5% critical hit is actually a wet dream on a satin sheet) I've listed so reasonably.

Then I check for reasonably priced pieces for my own characters and get flustered. I cruise the real money auction house and shake my head and then I move on.

Blizzard gets 1.00 from every real money auction, folks. In your pursuit of undercutting the next guy you're making less than a quarter per sale. You're never gonna get your mom to agree to let you stay home and play games instead of working this way. List it on the gold auction house and sell the gold you make for cash instead, when they finally open that option up.

Set a buyout, set prices you'd like to actually pay and let the item speak for itself. You're never going to get rich off of Blizzard's get rich scheme. They are.

Unless something changes soon I really do believe I'm pretty much done with the game when I've downed the boss on Nightmare with the two characters I currently have.

I'm not willing to play nicely on the auction house anymore.

Woot WoW and Skyrim! And honey has a pile of games for me to give a try, too... not to mention there's Rock Band and... yeah. :)

geeky gamer girls often give up on things that are set up to be terrible... life is just too much fun to spend time with things that aren't.