so yeah... no one is reading this anyway, I'm pretty sure.
so I'mma be honest here.
I want to raid. I do not want to raid with people I don't like. I really like the folks in Underground Connection, just the way I really liked the folks in Decadence, Inc.
And I'm not sure I want to raid with people I do like if they're unreliable. I find that I'm in the same place I was even more quickly than I was with Decadence.
Social CAN equal raiding... this is serious and it's also not a misguided fool's wishes and wants... I know this can be done. I am just not sure it can be done by me.
I'm feeling utterly defeated and crabby and worn out and I haven't even really led a raid yet... I wasn't allowed and never have been. Our GM means well and because he's accustomed to the group and not accustomed to me he has no idea that stepping in and "helping" was the equivalent of discrediting me. And I let him. And then I failed to make sure I had what I needed to run the second part of the raid today.
No feasts. I can't make the cauldrons and the character who can make them for me isn't friendly enough with the guild to get the recipe make them and send them to Allumette yet.
so it's farm farm farm again... lots of it... fish until I'm sick of the buttons and pick herbs until I've relearned every node in every zone again so that I can send Erijan the materials and have the flasks until I have the rep and recipe for the cauldrons that bind on account.
read read read and pug pug pug until I know the content enough to lead it and am not reliant on folks who don't show or who only know their role in a given fight.
It's seriously time for me to sit down and decide what it is that I want. I've done a lot of whining and complaining about what I don't want.
I want to raid.
I want to raid with a group of individuals who personally feel a responsibility to research what they need to know about what we're doing and then can actively participate in planning a strategy that will highlight their strengths in their particular class, specialization and role.
I want to raid with a group of individuals who are self aware enough to know their strengths and weaknesses.
I want to raid with a group of individuals who understands the distinction and definition of class specialization and role.
I want to raid with a group of individuals who are responsible and respectful enough to sign up for and commit to what they're going to do in advance and then are on time showing up.
I want to raid with a group of individuals who want to raid enough to follow up on invites.
I just don't feel like this is a lot to ask.
I can't lead from the bottom. Topping from the bottom is unhealthy and dangerous. lol
Maybe next week will be better?
peace... and if not peaceful then at least let it work as it should and not become a headache before you're starting the search for a job that means you make or break all your personal goals.
WoW... some things never change.
and perhaps that is just as it should be?